Head Prep

The outcome of your divorce mediation depends, in large part, whether you approach it from the inside out.

During my twenty-three years of practice as a divorce attorney/mediator, I have learned from my clients that maintaining integrity is the only thing that really matters. Having integrity means doing the right thing. It isn’t about getting the most money or the most scheduled time with the kids. It is about self-examination and a willingness to act consistently with one’s beliefs, regardless of how difficult it may be to take such action. It is about developing resolutions that are consistent with our character and our concepts of the person that we want to continue to become.

Doing the right thing does not mean giving in to the demands of the other spouse; it means paying attention to our emotions, noticing our body’s internal reactions, and then acting consistently with this information.

We all want to have a rewarding and successful life in which we appreciate our ability to make choices and learn from some of the bad choices we may have made in the past. Mediation offers this opportunity. Many of my clients have used this opportunity to lay the groundwork for developing a better way of being that will continue to serve them well in the next phase of their lives.

These are the people with courage, a necessary component of integrity. My clients who have courage are not fearless, but they are not afraid to notice and pay careful attention to their experience of being fearful. These clients understand that courage means looking fear in the face (such as fear of loneliness, poverty, or self-loathing), recognizing that it exists, and allowing such fear to transform into positive energy.

I also work with many clients who lack courage. These are the victims of divorce who are also usually life’s victims. Their failure to approach a difficult situation with courage results in them letting things happen and then being angry about the outcome. This, too, oft en changes during the mediation process, and when it does, such clients begin to develop the courage to create a life that was never before accessible.

The only thing that really matters is integrity, but there cannot be integrity without self-knowledge. Through the mediation process, couples learn to be more mindful of their emotions and their body’s internal reactions and are thus better able to access knowledge about what is truly important to each of them. It is by using this knowledge and understanding the process of how to continue to access self-knowledge that mediation can facilitate the development of a personal blueprint for how people conduct their future endeavors…if they choose to do it mindfully from the inside out.